you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
