Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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