I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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