I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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