Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I pour the whiskey from now on
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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