Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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