I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
