No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
