I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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