When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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