Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize