I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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