Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
