Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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