also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think I won the penis lottery.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
