Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
