Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
