I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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