my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
