Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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