My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
