Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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