i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
