So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize