Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
