I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
