ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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