she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
