I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
