Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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