me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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