Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
