It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
