I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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