I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
