Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
