I'm jealous of your bromance
Just cropdusted the office
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just found a bag of teeth...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
