Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
