I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
