I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
