so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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