He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
