It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
