His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
