distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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