i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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