My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
