woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This house was built for laser tag.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
