That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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