Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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