Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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