Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
