i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
