Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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