dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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