Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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