I'm gonna have a badass scar
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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