I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
