i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
