Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
