just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
how does that bad decision feel?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
