i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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