if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
