he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize