i don't like sucking hair
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
