He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
