so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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