This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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