After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
