Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize