oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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