Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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