We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
