Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
