Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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