Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Everything about him screamed your future.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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