where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
