Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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