i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
