Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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