Can i not drive my cunt home
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
