Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
