Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
