thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I don't think brook has ever known best
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
