You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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