throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
