Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
