I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize