everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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