**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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