i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
