pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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