Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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