I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
