I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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