I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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