Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
