I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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