I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
