Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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