Plan B is the new Plan A
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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