is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
