Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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