Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
