you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
