I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
