I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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