you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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