After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
